It was the fall of 1999, ALMOST TEN YEARS TO THE DAY of penning this story, when I was a much younger version of myself, who was growing and building a profitable high-def post-production facility and production rental house in Vancouver.
 
Years earlier, my mother and her boyfriend whom we ‘grew up with’ had gone their separate ways, but Killy Cleland really loved Betty-Lou, and I think it was hard for him to move on.
 
Betty-Lou had left Vancouver for the shores of the Sunshine Coast and purchased property with her widowed mother (Grandma Lucy Anderson). And Killy finally accepted that the relationship was over.
 
Growing up with Killy had it’s moments, as he was quite an abrupt kinda guy. He was pushy, got his own way, and was generally one of those grumpy old men we all talk about. Well he seemed like it when I was only in my early twenties, and skiing up at Whistler, and overnighting at the chalet.
 
Killy was a life-long Rotarian at the Marine Drive and Whistler ‘clubs’. In my former life, he had invited me to speak in front of his group at lunch one day to talk about being in the hotel industry. Man was I nervous and as it was my first public speaking engagement, it was not my finest hour. But I think everyone there just humoured me, as these guys had been everywhere, and done everything. I felt it was just a privilege to have been invited.
 
As the Rotary’s interests are international, he and my mother also took in kids from Japan and Korea during the summers on the Rotary student exchange program. So he really did contribute a lot to that organization. Interesting where one’s passion lies.
 
A Denturist by trade, he kept some members of our family smiling fabulous smiles. Until the time of reference in this story, he still operated his dental business out of his offices at Burrard and Broadway. Lucky me – I didn’t require the services of a Denturist as I still have all my teeth!!!
 
So because of our lengthy background, it wasn’t a total shock when he showed up in my offices in the fall of 99. What was a shock, was his condition. He seemed befuddled and disheveled. I offered him a coffee and muffin, which he eagerly ate. After about a half-hour visit, off he went and I didn’t think too much of anything about it.
 
Well until about a week or two later, when he again showed up unannounced. I again offered a coffee and muffin, however, it became readily apparent that he needed more that a bit of repose. He needed immediate care.
 
Unbeknownst to him, he had an “accident” while standing in the lobby of our offices, and while I really couldn’t be concerned about what someone might think, I was concerned for his health and well-being. I got him cleaned up called an ambulance and force fed him his coffee and muffin.
He (did we cover the stubborn part yet???) refused to go and as the paramedics cannot force anyone to go with them, against everyone’s better judgment, off they road into the sunset. I cannot stress this enough that rule needs to change, as Killy, once he was feeling a bit better, got into his car and drove off. I was scared to death for everyone in his path including him. I felt at that time, that there was very little I could do.
 
It was simply a matter of days, before he called me for help on the phone. I tried to get to him but the roads onto the Burrard Street Bridge were blocked solid for some reason, and I got stuck in traffic for over an hour. I was frantic, but could do nothing. I turned around and went back to the office. I called him to tell him I couldn’t get to him, and by then, he seemed okay.
 
I couldn’t be more wrong if I tried.
 
Somehow a few days later I received a call from the emergency ward at UBC Hospital. He had thought that he had called the ambulance and they had driven him out to Abbotsford (which of course they did not) and then sent him all the way back into town to UBC. I then rushed out to see him.
 
I only found out later that he had been at the White Spot at Cambie and 13th and had passed out.
 
Following is a descriptor of the goings on during his time in the hospital and how quickly trouble came, and is the MAIN reason, that I developed the OASIS as an alternative living model.
 
His landlord had contacted me telling me about how terrible his living conditions were (as it was her condo, and he had been negligent by not looking after himself, but also the condo). She also was concerned about receiving her rent on time. SOME PEOPLE AND THEIR KIDS.
 
While personal boundaries had to be crossed in order for me to help Killy, help the landlords of both his home and his business, I think that most people understood the need for interception at this point.
 
Off I go to start to sort things out for someone who has done so much for me, and now needed some help.
 
His apartment was in a shambles and an absolute mess. There was no food anywhere, YET boxes upon boxes of empty Pizza containers were stacked in his very small kitchen. Killy was now reduced to living the life of a bachelor. Which is a far cry from a short 10 – 15 years earlier when he lived in his own two bedroom suite in South Granville.
 
The bathroom hadn’t been cleaned for who knows how long. I don’t think he’d had a shower for as long either. During all of this, I was attempting to calm his landlord down. She used to be a nurse, and had recently quit due to stress so this was not making her feel any better. Regardless of her concerns, I told her that if he’d given her post-dated rent cheques, she should continue to cash them as required as we weren’t sure of his condition, how long he’d be hospitalized and where he would be going, once he was released.
 
So while I’m trying to assess his condition, he now has a friend or two coming to the hospital and attempting to ‘get him to transfer his vehicle’ into their name.
 
Fortunately, the people at UBC Hospital knew my relationship with Killy and were trying to help in whatever manner they were able, so they would let me know when things were going sideways.
 
They went side-ways VERY FAST.
 
Initially Killy was definitely on the downward path. We did not know how well his 80+ year old frame could hold up or how well he could rebound due to his lack of nutrition that started him on this path.
 
But the body and mind are wonderful things, and they can recover given the proper amount of healing time, resources and support.
 
It was however apparent that when he would get discharged (and that took over six months) he would not be living on his own anymore. He would need support, care and interaction with others to keep him healthy.
 
While we were working at regaining his health back, these same friends who wanted to transfer his vehicle into their names, had taken him from his hospital bed and straight to his bank. I had immediately contacted the bank manager and told her of his situation, and they put a hold on his account. I let her know that he did not need any money while he was in the hospital AND that if he did, I would give it to him based on his needs.
 
That worked well as when they shuffled him up to the counter only a mere day or two later, they were informed of the situation, and although Killy was upset as he had his freedom trampled on a tad, these friends left him alone there-after.
 
FRIENDS??? I think not.
 
In the meantime while we had determined that Killy would not be returning home, his landlord had to go to great extremes to clean up her apartment and at great expense. She was totally in her right to charge him the cost of the repairs. IT WAS NOT IN HER RIGHT to go to the hospital with cheques in hand for his john henry. As a nursing professional they are not allowed to infringe on any patients rights so another issue to be dealt with.
 
How did we get here???
 
Over the months, while Killy was re-gaining his health, Betty-Lou came and visited, and helped look for an alternative living situation for him. He hated the fact he would be losing his independence. But I loved the fact that we wouldn’t have to worry about him anymore nor his living situation. I felt comfort in knowing he would be looked after, fed, and bathed on a regular basis. It was a HUGE relief. He no longer had to be responsible for shopping, cooking for one or paying his bills. He’d obviously been having a great deal of difficulty with that in the past or we wouldn’t be here discussing it.
 
It doesn’t happen overnight and it doesn’t happen in small steps.
 
Independence is FABULOUS!!! Who doesn’t’ want that? Needing people to help us through the tough times, is what we all need at various times in our lives.
 
Everything from job changes/losses, to marital breakdowns, loss of business, death of a loved one or even personal health, all offer an opportunity for depression, loneliness, alcoholism and decline to creep into our lives. We all hit our lows, and that’s when the downturn begins. For some it happens in their fifties, some the sixties, but what is apparent is that when this happens, people at an earlier stage of life, are more readily able to adapt than someone in their seventies, and when this hits they need to revisit their living situation, and the more senior the more they are reluctant to change.
 
That is why the OASIS is an early prevention living solution and should be embraced by anyone 55+.
 
PART TWO
 
Nine Eleven. Who cannot remember that catastrophe? Fortunately we did not have any family members who were directly affected by this, however it was only months later when Grandma Lucy Anderson passed away in the early morning hours of February 28th, 2002 at the very young age of 95.
 
I got the call from my mother who lived on the Sunshine Coast with her, and rushed home to pack a bag and catch the next ferry which was four hours later.
 
At the time, my marriage was failing, my business was being taken over, and I didn’t need any added stress in my life, but there you have it. We absolutely don’t get to pick when stress gets added or is increased.
 
Within a very short period of time, Betty-Lou went from being a very independent fun-loving 73 year old, who enjoyed baking, bingo and arts and crafts, as she really does have the artistic gene, to someone frail, sickly and whose income halved and her expenses doubled, simply by the loss of her own mother. IN ADDITION, as Grandma was the driver in the family, she was virtually cut off from shopping for the bare necessities such as food and clothing.  Her recreational pursuits such as BINGO where she’d been very lucky (another one of those gene things) and had a whole host of friends she could visit with 2 – 3 times a week was also limited due to accessibility..
So I tried a variety of things, getting mom a roommate was one of the solutions, and did last the duration of a year. The only issue was the roommate kept to themselves, did not like the noise that mom created when baking (HUH???)…but as far as seniors go, I think they both did their best to make it work. It just wasn’t meant to be.
 
So I moved up there for a couple of years. I tried to find resources to help with mom. There was work that we needed to do on the house, in the yard, and just turn it into mom’s house as since Grandma’s passing, everything had remained exactly as it was as if she’d walk in the door in just a moment, and all would be well.
 
So Grandma’s stuff was now being logged and packaged up for storing/moving whatever the future might hold. It was a very, very rewarding period of time for me as I spent DAYS going through the memorabilia, got the back stories from mom, and also found out that I’m NOT JUST A SWEDE by nature, I am also IRISH!!! Who knew??? PLUS I learned all about antiques (well NOT ALL) but country of origin, history of the factories, pottery barns, and sundry other unique minutae.
 
Being the oldest of four, you tend to know more about family history than the rest of the siblings just due to age factors, stories and because I was the closest to the family, had a bit more info, but nothing prepared me for being IRISH.
 
In retrospect, if I’d only opened my eyes, I’d have seen the amount of Irish references, and would have queried that, but again, what a great surprise. I can now feel ownership when downing that next shot of whisky.
 
Now work was becoming a necessary interruption but I wasn’t particularly weathy, and as she did live on the coast, transportation to and from was costly and took an inordinate period of time. Attempting to work on the coast or Vancouver with trips in between to LA/NY or Toronto, just made the situation worse as you simply could not travel to YVR, catch a flight somewhere without an overnight on either end.
 
Now that I was trying to live on the Sunshine Coast, I’d drive Mom to Bingo so she could spend time with her friends, but her health was deteriorating and the next thing I know there’s people banging on our door, as she had passed out cold, and the ambulance was on it’s way.
 
No one could tell what was wrong, (I shortened the story). I took her to my fab doc in Vancouver and voila! She’s been fine ever since. Well except for the pneumonia, and the broken rib.
 
INTERVENTION provided solutions.
 
Did I go through all my retirement savings??? U BET!!!
 
Did I earn less money than in all my previous years as a result of moving in with mom, and getting her on the up and up??? U BET!!!
 
Did Grandma do so well and live so long because she was in a supportive, caring, environment and continue to prosper until the ripe age of 95??? U BET!!!
 
I don’t need proof that intervention, support, and independence all play a role in a happy, healthy, lifestyle. What we need to do now is find an AFFORDABLE, SUSTAINABLE model, and I believe the OASIS will resolve those issues or concerns.
 
Not everyone is prepared to lose their income over a five year period. Not everyone is prepared to put up all their Retirement savings. But NO-ONE will be able to ignore this burgeoning problem that is before us.
 
By 2016, (that’s SIX short years at the time of writing) according to Stats Canada – one in three will be over the age of 65. People are living longer. The government has removed the age of retirement from 65 until you decide.
 
This is somewhat of a relief, as when you realize that instead of withdrawing your pensions, you will still be contributing to the tax base which provides said retirement funds.
 
The goal now is to build an OASIS. We need an OASIS in every community. The interaction with people, youth, keeping busy in the gardens, sustaining by offering services, growing our own fruits/vegetables etc. all ensures that a healthy active lifestyle, keeps us out of the hospitals, and a contributor to society, rather than a detriment.
 
As the premise of the OASIS takes into account the SAFERhome STANDARDS societies 19 construction points, and we currently are not in a position to build, we have opted to purchase a ‘home’ in Chilliwack, that fills MANY of the needs of the OASIS…
 
It’s not the picture perfect solution, but it’s a start.
 
I am still living with my mother, who lived with her mother and did I anticipate seeing myself in this position many years ago? NO – unequivocally NO!!!. Do I regret being in this position? NO – unequivocally – NO!!! Would the OASIS have been built by now if it wasn’t for my mother’s current situation. Well that’s a tough one. MAYBE…but I find that either WORK, or life interfere’s with goals. It’s just the way it is. So to work towards a goal, find other options that can help you get somewhere faster, sooner, quicker less expensively, well those options cannot be ignored.
 
I wake up each morning listening to the Stellar Jays squawk at each other. I look out the window and see the mountains with a fresh dust of snow on the higher elevations. I look at my mom, who’s blue eyes are a little greyer now. Not as aware, but again, aware. The innocence of a child is not far removed from someone over 80 years of age. And am I a patient helpful loving daughter? Well I should be a bit more than I am. Just like you, I’m not sure how any of us are going to ‘make it’ anymore, and looking at the sustainability factor at least lets me sleep at night. In my own bed. In my own OASIS.
Did I create the vision to protect me. ABSOLUTELY NOT. Will I be one of the benefactors of what this project will produce for all, ABSOLUTELY MAYBE.
 
If we ALL knew where we would be at any given time of our lives, there would be no need for the OASIS. We’d be in SHANGRI-LA and at this point in time. I AM!!!
 
FOOTNOTE:
 
We are currently searching for 2 – 3, 55+ people to move into the suite downstairs. Then the real work begins.
 
We are currently upgrading the home to accommodate needs and eliminate any emergencies such as the appliances breaking down. We’re operating on the prevention model.
 
The tenants will be able to enjoy the gardens – which will be added in the spring. Pick fruit from the trees to eat fresh, can, or bake. The walnuts & hazelnuts start to fall end of September and through ALL OF October, so this year, we’ve already picked, prepared and packaged. The first delivery was made to the local food bank on Monday, so we are already working within the community. We are the community.
 
Won’t you support ours???
 
In the Spring of 2010, we anticipate a welcome BBQ for all of our corporate sponsors, which of course, will include our existing tenants and benefactors. This is where we will be finishing off the building by placing plaques over appropriate rooms, which will be entitled:
 
Killy Cleland’s Rec Room
Grandma Anderson’s Living Room
Betty-Lou Smith’s Craft Room
 
The OASIS is dedicated to anyone wanting to ensure a safe happy affordable, sustainable future for all.